For the love or money?

As I get ready to go back to school, continuing my college journey preparing for my future career -in health care- I ponder about other career opportunities i can possibly take on. Sometimes i falter and doubt myself or doubt the career in itself saying "I'm gonna be bored with my job..."-one thing I know- is that I'm partially, maybe even totally in the medical field because of the money. I mean its not being greedy...its kinda smart cuz you want a lucrative job in the future so you can live comfortably. If I should get a job in the health industry -whatever it is- I have no doubt that I will be good but my only concerns is if I'm gonna enjoy it. Workin this summer as a cashier at a crazy ass store ( thats a story for later) I realized that some people have this same job for years...something they do everyday...and I never ever want a job like that. I know I can't really compare a job that requires such expertise like 8 years of school to a minimum wage job...I'm just sayin I don't want my career...something I might be possibly be doin for the rest of my life...to bore me. I can share with you this though....the one career I kno I will not have a problem loving for the rest of life is dancing. I mean its something I've loved since I was 4 when I started takin classes in Brooklyn back in the day (lol- i feel old sayin that) . Sounds really cliche...even kinda corny lol...but fareal though. Its different because its not like "I wish I can do this"....its like "I already have that gift to do this". I watch shows like "So You Think You Can Dance" which is like my favorite show in the whooolllleeee entire world and get so inspired...like I cry to myself on the inside...damn I know I can do this....I know I can train and be on this show. Seeing Debbie Allen and Mia Michaels i get chills like crazy..wishing I could someday be trained by them. I mean i haven't taken technical training since the 8th grade but I know I still have the skill and talent...and I learn things quick...And its kinda weird cuz everytime I think my opportunities in dance are over, one comes and lands in my lap...over and over again. Like when I first started wen I was four...I stopped for a while...until I was in jr. high where we had a really really good dance program where students were accepted into top arts schools in brooklyn like Laguardia...did that for 3 years in jr.high then wen I was at high school I was crushed to find out there was no dance team or class...kinda forgot about it and did sports instead to stay fit until one year I decided to quit basketball during the winter season....which was probably the best thing I did cuz I tried out for the school's winter musical. There they gave me most of the dancing parts...even made me dance captain my senior year. People were so confused that I was doin the musical cuz they new me as an athletic girl but I just tell em' I've always been a performer. Now in college I'm head of a dance team...which makes me realize that I should take my talent more serious than I have in the past...guess from discouragement from my family..."you can't eat being a dancer, singer, or artist" (yea i wanted to sing and draw too wen I was younger)..."you don't want to wait tables for the rest of your life"...but now...experiencing the life of a working adult...I'd rather do something I love than eat right about now...guess thats the free-spirited me talkin' right now....the practical or stable me is sayin that statement can change but the truth is that's how many people feel. But you want financial security, right? You gotta survive, right? Sigh.The voice of my mother is vibrating in my head right now. Do something in a field you know you can always find a job in. Something stable. Very confusing








So vulnerable.beautiful....see its shit like this....